On this day, three years ago, I packed the last of my things in my little car and moved from Minneapolis to Dallas. My mom, my biggest supporter, I am sure was disheartened by my move, I am her only child. But the both of us, hopped in the car and drove 18 hours.
What prompted my move?
A year before the big move, I left my marriage. This marriage did a lot of damage to my psyche, my heart, and me as a whole. I had stayed in a toxic marriage losing myself daily. The longer I stayed married, the more I became my husband’s wife. This marriage took so much from me that I was losing focus on who I was as an individual and where I wanted to go. I wanted so badly for my marriage to work and did things in my power to try to save it. Once I realized that I was the only one that wanted to save it, I quickly allowed myself to let it go. I have a whole series of the beginning of my Thriving After Divorce. See links below.
During the marriage, I so badly wanted to move. I would send emails to him about great places to live and of course, he didn’t want to. I hated the cold winters in Minneapolis. I hated that so many eyes were on me wherever I went. I grew up and lived in Minneapolis pretty much my entire life. I needed change.
During the year after my divorce, I was seeking. I was seeking who I was and seeking who I wanted to be. I dug deep into the things that made me happy. One of the things I learned in my marriage is that you cannot rely on others for your happiness.
As I continued to seek my happiness, this blog became part of my healing! It was something I did that made me happy. I didn’t use it for validation I used it because it was something to help me find my voice again!
I reflected on the things I wanted to do with my life and the biggest thing was to relocate. I looked at all my resources, where I could go, and planned my move. Thankfully, I had a close family friend that said that I could stay with her until I got on my feet.
It took me three months to get a job that allowed me to be able to get my own place! I was not settled though, I needed to feel challenged so I decided to get my teacher’s certificate.
As I celebrate three years living in Dallas, I reflected on all of my growth.
5 Life Changes of Starting Over
I began to own my own identity.
Throughout my entire life, I was known by somebody else. Gezelle’s daughter, The Twin’s Friend, Margeaux’s Friend, Prince’s Wife. I really never felt like I was my own person. I moved to Dallas and NO ONE KNEW ME and they didn’t know people that knew me. I loved this! When it came to job searching, I didn’t get a job because I knew somebody, it was based on my qualifications and skills and it was beautiful.
I had to depend on myself
Over the weekend, I was a little sad because I didn’t have a husband or a family. I wanted someone to help me carry up three bookshelves to the third floor. I wanted someone to help me put the bookshelves together. I thought about how exhausted I am when I get home and would dream about a husband to have dinner ready! I don’t say this to feel like I am missing out, I say this to show me how dope I really am. I could wait on someone to live life, I could just not do it. But I do it and always shock myself on all the things I can do. I built three bookshelves, used the power drill and everything! Funny thing is, it was so easy and I did it quickly.
Exploring is such a beautiful thing
I realized that I love learning and exploring. Seeing new places, trying new foods, and being inspired by all the things I expose myself to. When I stayed at home, I would do the same thing everyday, and hardly ever explored new things. I learned that I loved bookstores and museums. I realized I loved small, hole in the wall restaurants. I loved taking public transportation because I loved looking around me and taking in all of the many different views.
As much as I valued my alone time, I valued companionship
I realized how loud silence can be and sometimes that scared me. My entire life I have lived with someone, my mom, my aunts, my cousins, my spouse, my roommates. This is the longest time that I have lived alone. I thought I loved being the only child and having my own space and I do but I desire a family and I had to let myself know that it was ok. So many people promote LOVE BEING ALONE or YOU DON’T NEED A MAN! I am like, I want one though and that what I want, is ok!
My life is my life
One day I had the epiphany that I didn’t want to share my joys with the world. Yes I blog, but I don’t share everything. But so many people want to see what is happening in my life and when that happens there are so many opinions about my choices. I reflected on the time when I let too many people in my ear and it influenced a relationship that I had. When I would tell someone something and they lived a totally different life, had a whole different perspective on things, valued different things than I did, their actions towards me came from a place of judgement. Yes, they may have been concerned but I looked at my life and was like, I am not on drugs, I am not being financially irresponsible, I am not an alcoholic, I am not sleeping around, I am not.. I am not… I am not hurting anyone so if my joy and happiness isn’t your ideal happiness then do not worry about it. I would get texts and lectures and I realized they cannot live my life and I am not living theirs. So I have learned to keep many of my joys and happiness in my private setting sharing it with those that I feel like deserves a deeper part of my life.
Looking Forward
I am not sure if I plan on staying in Dallas but the past three years have set a strong foundation for who I am as a person and where I want to go. I have a better grasp on my voice and will continue to build my unapologetic life. I will continue to inspire and encourage others with my life’s work.
Starting over and taking it one day at a time to enjoy the process has been eye-opening and beautiful! I am looking forward to what is on my path and who I connect with.
Feel free to share your experiences, questions, and comments below or email me!
Peace and Blessings,
CicelyRenee
Leave a Reply