What if we stopped having expectations?

Hope life is treating you well!

I have a question for you:

When are you the most let down? Like, when are you the saddest, upset, or heartbroken? Is it during a betrayal? Is it when you had it all planned in your head but it did not turn out that way?

Most of these times of betrayal or being let down comes from having placed too high of expectation on someone or something. Our expectations make us feel like we are in control and when those expectations do not come to pass we get so distraught. One thing that I have learned is that I will not allow myself to be controlled by something I cannot control, I just let it go.

Expectations and hopes are used synonymously yet, I feel are two different ideas. Expectation is where you you believe that whatever you are thinking should happen at the very least. Like it is a demand or a rubric and if those standards aren’t met then the person or the situation fails. What happens is that you put so much emphasis on these expectations that your behavior and words focus on just that. Hopes are things that would be nice and would make the situation better if it did happen, but there is not room for disappointment because you continued to do what you do while still hoping. With expectations all eggs are in one basket and with hopes your eggs are spread out. Have you heard the phrase, “Expect the worst but Hope for the best”?

We devalue a thing or person when we put our expectations on them and really want them to meet them. We devalue them because we want them or the thing to measure up to our reality when their reality is what they know. What happens is that we begin comparing situations and people when there should be no competition in the first place. We get our expectations from what we see others having and going through. We think that they are setting the bar and it looks pleasing to us that we try to obtain it. The let down in that is we are not allowing the situation or person to live up to their own potential which could be far from what you desire. We do not let them bloom on their own.

Think about a job you want, you begin to lit your expectations: 6 figures, short hours, evenings, holidays and weekend off, makes me happy, come and go as I please, downtown in a high rise, where we can dress however we want…. SOUNDS GREAT RIGHT! Well good luck with that.

Think about a man or a woman you want a relationship with or just a friendship. I saw this post and was like please! So many expectations on people, they will be afraid to fail. They will be walking on eggshells around you hoping not to upset you.

I want to move out the state and of course I have my list of expectations, 80 degrees year round with breeze, near ocean, affordable housing, high paying jobs, exciting city life, near other cities that are drivable! Maybe this could happen- let me know if you know of any places. 🙂

What about your birthday, you did so much for your significant other you were expecting the same to happen or something better. Fireworks, surprise party, trip to Maui, but you got a card and breakfast. Is that not nice? The disappointment is real and then you are angry. At least they did not forget this time 🙂

But what happens is we get let down as soon as OUR expectations are not met.

What if we stopped or lowered our exceptions? I think life would be so much sweeter. We begin to let things happen organically. We let people be genuine and true to their selves. We learn to love life as it is and really see the beauty for what it is and stop caring about what it is not. This is especially good for people we are involved with. If we do not allow people to reach their own level then we are not being fair to them and in return you will not be happy because you expect them to be different.

The thing about this is that we want others to make us happy by placing these expectations. When placing these expectations on people or things, we are really saying, “I will be happy only if this happens.” But happiness comes from within and is what we do. When hopes do come true they add to our happiness and that is beautiful but we cannot live our lives fully when we have so many expectations that steer our hearts and happiness.

I promise if we lowered our expectations on things/situations and people life would be so much sweeter.

So go on and let life bloom on its own, allow people to be them, it will definitely relieve a lot of stress and disappointment from things and people you cannot control.

Stay Sweet,
CicelyRenee