The Cox Effect: The Art of Sliding in their DM

The Cox Effect: The Art of Sliding in their DM

Message from Bougie Black Blogger: Hey beautiful people! We are starting The Cox Effect which is named after man with a strong opinion and thoughts that I believed need to be shared from the male perspective. Under this section, you will find interviews or conversations about life, love, and everything above from men that want to participate and my interpretation. These conversations are held at The Cox Effect Lounge, private and exclusive. I have been wanting a man’s voice and finally this, so I am EXCITED and I hope you are too! So be back here every Friday. 

The Cox Effect


I don’t know where sliding in their DM got such a bad rap. Well, I guess since it could be seen as thirsty and not romantic but The Cox Effect Gentlemen are here to guide you in the Art… there is an art, well maybe not but there has been some successful sliding which resulted to marriage. You’re not ready for marriage and you just want a date? This helps with that too.

I was listening to Dee Dee in the Morning and this woman wanted to know why the man that slid in her DM never called her back after their first date.

This is how it went:

The man was following her on Instagram and she had pretty pictures and silly hashtags, but he was still interested. I don’t know his art to sliding in the DM but it worked and they went on a date to a house/pool party.

They were hanging out and then she kept disappearing. He found her smoking weed with his boys. Then she disappeared again, she was doing shots with his boys. Then she was in the pool with his boys. She said he was boring. He called her a hoe.

Mistake 1: Instagram- homie, Instagram Models are just trying to get their shot at fame or a free night of fun. Instagram is not the best place to slide in their DM. Why, because it is mostly superficial. You get all sex appeal and no depth. If you are looking for a fun night then that works but if want to see where it can go long term, IG ain’t the one for you. Sure they look good…
Mistake 2: House party? Really dude, you couldn’t have taken her to a spot where y’all could really communicate? House parties are supposed to be fun. And you just want to talk to her in the corner while everyone is having the time of their lives? You are trippin.


Alright ladies, we know you are reading this, but here is another situation:

I had this sister who has a business and I sent her an inbox inquiring about her service and then followed it up with a follow up question. She in turn gave me a bland general answer of “I don’t know” and then I didn’t pay it any mind. Well, I don’t normally check my inbox messages but I was looking for a chat with a brother because I remembered I sent him a reference bearing witness to the teachings and I came across the message I sent to the sister. The message was faded so I was curious and come to find out this sister removed me from her friends list,lol…

Now I didn’t take it personal but I thought it was hilarious that as a business owner you would think or react in this way. So as I think I always try to put myself in the other persons shoes. A lot of these sisters are so used to brothers being in their inbox that it is sad when you can’t even send a grown adult a personal message. Wow!

Brothers stop being so thirsty. They already outnumber us. There’s no need. And I’m not making this out about myself but the possibility exists that she thought that I maybe was using that to try to get with her.


So ladies, queens, lovely, mi amor, why can’t a brotha get have a civilized conversation? Why treat me like your past experience, boo I ain’t him. I get it, dudes are thirsty, ladies, you can be too!



The Art of Successfully Sliding in their DM:


Social Media Mediums that are the best:

Facebook– You can see pretty much everything they post and their personality will seep through so be attentive. You can see what people are tagging them in and what they get involved in. Great place to start. Like their photos, comment on things they post and not just they simple response, but have a deeper response, that will grab their attention.

Twitter– Twitter is great for having conversations. Here is where you will most likely have a conversation with celebrities even. The idea is to start talking off of a tweet that was posted or constantly like and share their tweets. People love that, unless their account is private.

Snapchat– This is touchy… Think about that pic or message they sent to you, they may have sent good morning beautiful to all  the people buuttt for optimistic thinking’s sake we are going to say it is all about you. Snapchat is cool becuase you can see how they act, talk and what they do. A little stalkerish but necessary.

When to do it:

DON’T JUMP THE GUN SON! Some people do it too quick and overwhelm the receiver. For example, I (CicelyRenee) , received a tweet and had just a few conversations about some random mess. Then, when people follow me there is an automatic message and they just started talking to me. Just a few random DM messages and then he said, “I like talking to you, can we talk off of here?” Now I did not know this man, what he did, and he was new in my notifications. Sir, no you cannot talk with me.

After some good messaging and comments back and forth: Who knows, it may be a month or a week, but you have to feel out the situation.

How to do it:

Like many of their photos, comment a respectful compliment, and then slide in and say,
” I don’t normally do this but….” See if they are single. Then see if they are up to a date.

What not to say: 


“Damn baby can we chill”

“Oh beautiful one of Zumunda, I will kiss the ground to which you walk…”

“Could I give you a massage?”

“Love your crow pose! Can we chill?”

What the crew at The Cox Effect lounge are saying:

The Question: Sliding in their DM’s… Let’s talk about it. 1. Should you do this? Why or why not? 2: How to effectively Slide into their Dm. 3. What makes people slide into their DM’s? 4. What are the rules?

“There isn’t an art to it or rules. But…First introduce yourself in some type of way before you hit the DM. A like, a comment, or compliment.” Gentleman 1

“lol you have to shoot your shot!! (basketball emoji)” Gentleman 2

“Real talk bro. When I “used” to slide in DMs and the woman was like “Bout time” I realized I better take the shot” Gentleman 1

“I don’t see the harm in it. It reminds me of just walking down the street minding my own business and a dude “hollars” and I either say heeyyyy or byyyyee” Lady 1

“I am not entirely open to it… I know some women do get lots of messages there though. It’s also how my ex husband dug up old women from his past to reconnect with. So that’s where my perspective is coming from” Lady 2

“I don’t have a problem with a guy “sliding in my DM” as long as he’s respectful and is actually holding a conversation.” Lady 3

“Some man slid in my DM… and it actually worked! I am not against it but I do think that it has to be tasteful and with a purpose…. Too many weirdos get blocked quickly” Lady 1

There really isn’t an art but to try and see what happens! What do you think? Have you successfully slid in their DM? What do you think of those that slide in your DM? 

Thanks for reading! Be sure to share!

Peace and Blessings,

Have a question you would like to ask The Cox Effect lounge? Submit below and stay tuned for their responses.


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