Hey beautiful people!
What is this friendzone? I feel like it became a thing while I was married and now that I am divorced, it is a serious topic. My biggest question is can men and women JUST be friends?
As I enter into the possibilities of dating and meeting new guys, the friendzone has definitely made its way in my life for many reasons. A couple reasons because I am just trying to understand it and I also, keep putting guys in that zone because I know I am not ready for a real relationship but I want friends 🙂
One reason I avoid talking to guys is because many of them automatically think I am trying to get with them and that is not the case all the time. For example, I went to this restaurant and ordered a burger. One of the employees came over to assist the guy helping me. I have a thing for men with beards and more specifically black men with beards. But this guy was not my type, main reason he was about 6 inches shorter than me. Anyways, he had this dope beard and I complimented him on it and he was like thanks and kept it moving. When I got my burger, this guy came to my table about three times asking if it tastes ok and if I needed anything, he continued to ask me more questions. He asked what do I do, where do I live and am I single. It was sweet and kind but I was not even trying to hear it. Was I wrong? I turned him down nicely though.
One big lesson I learned through my marriage and divorce is that friendship is key to a great marriage. What happens when the fire starts to fizzle and all you had was the romantic side in your relationship? What happens when you don’t want to be romantic today or for a week, can you rely on your friendship to get you through until that next spark fires up?
One thing that kind of sucks being in your early 3o’s and in a new place is that it is a challenge meeting guys as just friends. College years and high school was easy, because ya’ll have to be in the same place and you get to know each other before trying to hook up.
I asked my FB friends this question:
When meeting someone you are attracted to, is putting them in the friend zone bad? Why or why not? I have been hearing a lot of mixed messages about the friend zone. I personally would like to marry my best friend. What do you think?
And I got these responses:
Commenter 1: Friend zone is not a bad thing. But if you eventually want to move out of the friend zone with a person that’s where it can become tricky. What is too long to be in the friend zone? I don’t think you can really put a time zone on it because every situation is different.
CicelyRenee: Ok good sometimes I feel that it could seem bad when the nice and good ones get friend zoned because of it. I guess being up front in the beginning could help.
Commenter 2: From personal experience the friend zone is not bad at all. In college my husband was my BEST friend. I actually had a boyfriend. He was there for me when that boyfriend cheated, and any other time I needed him. Destiny is destiny. I really can’t tell you what changed, or when, but almost 12 years and 2 kids later we’re still kicking.
CicelyRenee: See that’s good I like that. I think it makes relationships so much richer
Commenter 3: I agree. But I think it has a bad connotation because people get “stuck” there.
CicelyRenee: Yea, I can see that. Then its like ok we are good friends do we want to be more and risk the friendship?
Commenter 3 Reply: I’d rather risk it then never know.
Commenter 4: Lol all the guys I know are in the friend zone but one…lol, But I’ve always been in the friendzone and hated it, then thought…”so this is how I make all those guys feel” oh well shrugs shoulders. LOL
CicelyRenee: Awww I hear you. I want to put them in friend zone but don’t want to be put there lol
Commenter 5: I think the friend zone is good until a certain point. If someone stays in it too long they may never get out!
CicelyRenee: Right and some people have no patience lol and may move on
Commenter 6: In my experience to have a good romantic relationship it needs to start off as a good friendship. If it’s going to develop into something more it will happen without much work at all. My wife put me squarely in the friend zone and I waited patiently and she ended up asking me to be HER boyfriend. The rest is history!
CicelyRenee: Cute cute. I agree. Some people though seem to feel rejected when they are put in the friend zone
Commenter 6 Reply: This is true but I figure if they feel you are worth the wait then they can hang in there and if they are impatient then they will move on. I know I am a big cornball but I feel if someone is meant for u they will be patient in the friend zone.
I had to look up the definition of Friendzone on my handy, dandy, factual and reliable source- Urban Dictionary, and this it what it said:
What you attain after you fail to impress a woman you’re attracted to. Usually initiated by the woman saying, “You’re such a good friend”. Usually associated with long days of suffering and watching your love interest hop from one bad relationship to another. Verb tense is “Friend-ed”.
“I spent all that money on a date, just to find out she put me in the Friend Zone(said with eerie echo).”
“You know that hot girl I’ve been talking to? She just Friend-ed me.”by I Like Bread December 15, 2003
10 Lessons I Learned About the Friendzone:
- That if you want a serious relationship that it would be good to start out as friends first– If you are trying to have a serious relationship that may lead to marriage then I do think that this is a great way to start. I have learned not to rush into a serious relationship without having that foundation.
- Be up front with your intentions– This may be hard to do because you may not know where the other person stands. For instance, I may or may not have the biggest crush on this guy and I am attempting to flirt with my very awkward self, but you do not want to throw the real stuff out there in fear that they have no interest in you that way. But if you are on a dating site, lol and you write in your profile that you are just looking for friends, don’t be misleading.
- Friend zone is understood differently by different people– I understood it as we may can be more but I don’t want to rush into anything. Others saw it as rejection and they hate the friendzone.
- That you cannot expect to have relationship benefits in the friend zone– A guy friend told me that we can be friends, (NOT ME SPECIFICALLY BUT IN GENERAL) but don’t expect for him to take you out, or do little things as if we are in a relationship. I thought that was good, and so many times people take advantage of peoples kindness.
- Do not get stuck or keep someone in the friendzone for too long– You can continue being their friend but do not stop life WAITING on them to be more.
- Don’t try to force your love and kindness on someone– When someone tells you that they just got out of a relationship or that they want to be just friends, you have to respect that. Do not think you can try to win them over because you want them. Just because you feel that you can offer them an amazing life with you does not mean they are ready for it. You cannot be their savior or knight/lady that is going to rescue them! Let them be who they are and leave them where they are at; continue though being a friend.
- Being friendzoned may save you from a whole lot of heartbreak– Man, you ever just watch the guy/gal you are so madly in love with treat the person they are dating so wrong and you are glad that it is NOT you! You get the calls from them and they are venting about how much they really do not like them but just going through the motions? Well, I might rather be an ear rather than crying about their BS they are putting me through.
- If you do get put in the friendzone you may have the opportunity to meet their GREAT friends that may be better for you– You are not supposed to date your boo’s friends so if you never become an item then their friends can be an option right?? Or no? LOL… still understanding here.
- If they are not willing to stick around being a friend then let them go– This weeds out the impatient and ulterior motive folks which I guess refers back to #7 a little bit.
- Friendzone and Friends are two different things– So as I concluded my study, I asked a guy, “So you cannot just be friends with a girl?” he said to me, ” I have female friends, but you asked about the FZ. I am saying that once I’m in the friend zone, I’m not interested anymore in being romantic with that woman. We can be friends but I’m going to treat you like a friend”
Well ladies and gents, thanks for reading, I hope you found it entertaining and informational lol… One thing I learned is that I write how I talk.
What are some of your thoughts on the Friendzone? How do you know you have just been friendzoned? What dating advice could you give me or others? Please comment below.
Peace and Blessings,
Tip of the day, MAKE SURE YOU WASH YOUR BELLY BUTTON AND BEHIND YOUR EARS!!!