My story on why I quit dating.
Greetings beautiful people,
Today a man that I met online over a year ago, decided to pop up and say, “Hey there, how are you doing?” and of course I responded half-assidly, “Great and you?” and then… SILENCE… Not a problem at all especially if I can’t even remember who you are and I am being cordial. But while I was driving, I am like this is for the birds, this so-called date life.
After my divorce, I had to learn, relearn and unlearn some ish and a lot of the learning made me constantly side eye dudes, roll my neck and gasp at all the foolishness dating has offered so far.
I knew that I had to stop “wanting” to date when every guy I came across or when I swiped right or left, I was unphased. It had become a chore to me, something I needed to be always doing and I was not feeling that at all. I am always unimpressed which is not fair for the guy, I am always approaching them with the idea that they are nothing but a f*ckboy and what is the point.
I have stepped out of my comfort zone and shot my shot a few times, went on one date, they didn’t realize after that the ball was in their court and they were supposed to take the next shot. Another guy simply ignored me, awkward af, we are FB friends, I see you at church lol! Another few professed their love for me but never made a move… This isn’t fun and rejection is something I am afraid of, it’s more like why aren’t these guys stepping up?
But as a spiritual person, I can tell that dating among other things are not in alignment with the now and I had to accept that and the journey I am about to embark on.
10 Reasons I Quit Dating
Becuase WYD/How are you/Hey there can only get you this far…. Personally, I get bored easily and if they aren’t making plans, big or small… then I am not about to continue this textlationship. I am not sure why people think it is ok to just text the same thing every day. I literally do the same thing M-F and I am exhausted… Want a deeper connection, a more meaningful dialogue, let’s meet up go walking on a trail, get some happy hour drinks, go to the park… not every day but once a week or something. Want to be friends that is cool, but the friends that I have here in Texas, we make plans and do things!
Dudes are always trying to come to your crib on the first day, the second date and third date. You just met me, don’t you know about these crazy news stories? Don’t you know that is unsafe? Ok, so you are not a murderer, why do you think we meshed so well that I would let you come to my home?
For some reason, I keep getting dudes that want me to cook for them, buy a ticket to come see them, prove that I want them and we haven’t even made that connection? I understand the woman’s stereotypical gender roles, but dude, you haven’t even asked me on a date. And if we are going there with gender roles, MAN, HEAD OF THE HOUSE, PROVIDER, KING, why is that you want me to prove that I want to see you by purchasing a ticket to come see you. That’s backwards!
Tired of the Build-A-MAN, TOTALLY different than building up or speaking life into your man, this is that dude, that meets or talks to you for the first time, falls in love with you, then lets you know they are in a shelter or they have no drive and aint doing anything with their life and expect a woman to take care of them. No, no no noooo… Then you get the guys that want to be in a relationship one week and the next they don’t then pop up with the hey stranger text. Not saying I need a man with degrees and a bomb job with six figures, I am saying… you need to have something to bring to the table… and lead if you want more than just dating.
People turn into actors trying to secure a role and then they secure it… and after “I DO” they become someone totally different. My pastor was saying that when people know they are dating, they put on those acting skills, say exactly what you want to hear, get you in the palm of their hands and once they get it they stop acting and you are stuck thinking you have gone this far, might as well keep going or feeling hoodwinked and bamboozled. I am tired of the whole facade we put on. I want to eventually marry my best friend as cliche as that sounds but it is so real. What happens when romance is at a low, can we still enjoy each other on a friend level? Ok, I am in love with you but do I even like you?
My Business was hurting, time being wasted. Every time I went out with a guy that was, meh, I would sit and think, ugh I could be writing a blog post or designing something for the shop. I would spend HOURS with a guy which most of the time was wasted but thinking that I could have been a lot further if I didn’t spend that time with them. Of course, I wouldn’t be mad if we clicked and had an amazing time… but even later a month or two or three they ghost you, and you are left wondering wth.
I’m too creative and active for most. I remember a guy saying, “You are always going out!” ok… yes… but I could be going out with you but you just want to Netflix and Chill… Imagine looking at someone’s computer screen and they have 30 windows and 50 tabs up and they bounce back and forth never finishing one task first and moving to the next… that is my brain, that is how I think and because my brain is so active, I talk a lot and want to move a lot. Something I will compromise with after I know you are serious about a long-term/committed relationship with ME that could possibly lead to marriage.
I want to really, I mean really this time embrace my singleness the good, the bad and the ugly. I want to hang out with my girls and not think about boys. I want to love on me more and do the things I want without waiting. I want to take risks and just be alone for a while… but trust me… I will be open and ready.
I seem to be a lot happier without so much anxiety. Not worrying about the things women worry about when it comes to dating. Although there are some lonely nights where I just want to be held, I sleep so much better unattached to a guy. And I sleep wild!
Self-Preservation is necessary at this phase of life. This encompasses so much, sex, emotions, spirit, body and more. Just dating to date can be dangerous in many aspects and why put yourself out there like that. I am not saying I will never date again, but I hope that the next time a man walks into my life that he is the reason no one else worked out. I want to keep myself safe for him… and hope he is doing the same.
So as I end out this year, I just to do it with clarity and peace… no headaches! Are you in the same boat, putting a pause on dating? What made you do it? Do you have any advice for those on dating? Drop them in the comments below.
Peace and Blessings,