Hey beautiful people!
Last week I stopped at the store after my workout in the park with Camp Gladiator. If you know anything about Camp Gladiator, you will know that you look tore up from the floor up afterwards. Anyways, I was at Kroger for the second time returning some brown sugar that had a hole in it. As I walked to my car in my sweaty work out clothes this man slowly drives up and blocks me in.
He started talking to me from in his car, but it was a quiet talk. I was like HUH all loud and ignant, he continued to talk quietly and I said, I cannot hear you.
So already I am irritated for 5 reasons, I’m hungry and sweaty, Kroger has some raggedy bags of brown sugar, I have to go home and study, this negro blocked me in and now talking in baby voice.
After many viral horrible news stories and horror movies, I was not going anywhere near his car. One, if you want to speak to me, get out the car and talk to me out of respect. Two, police could have been around and it would look like I was prostituting and you know how that story goes. Too much going on.
So, he said, “I want to talk to you.” Remember, I am already irritated, I said, “About what?” He said, “Can I have your number?” Initially, I said no… But he kept on. Then I remembered, I have sideline, an app that gives you a fake number. I asked, “What is your number?” He must have done this before, he said, “No! I will call you.” As I tried looking for my sideline number all awkwardly, I found it and gave it to him. Of course he called right away. Then he started texting. Here is the conversation:
Him: Nice to meet you
Him: What are you doing?
Him: How old are you?
Me: Old enough to have a Master’s in Educational Leadership
Him: I’m 35
Me: (I didn’t ask)
Me: Look I just have to tell you that I do not have time to go out, date or whatever. So don’t waste your time and I just got out of a divorce.
Him: That is fine
Him: We can take it slow
Me: (Bihhhhh huh…)
Him: I got a divorce too.
Him: Do you have kids?
Him: IMAGE DOWNLOADING….
Me: (No this fool did not send me a pic)
Him: IMAGE DOWNLOADING
Him: Send me a picture!
Ok… Class, what was the first mistake?
Class answers: When you gave him your fake number?
Me: Nope, try again!
Class answers: Thinking you had to talk to him!!!
Me: Good job class!
I was so thrown off and my strong black female mode went somewhere else. As I pulled off, all I heard in my head was, “I did not owe him a damn thing. I did not need to talk to him nor give this strange baby voice man my number.”
I find it interesting that we as women, not all but many, feel that if a man demands something, he can have it. Where in the rule book does it say that if you approach me, even in a nonthreatening way, that I need to give you my number, have a conversation with you, or let you have any of my time?
Now here is what the other people are saying, “You gonna miss your blessing” “It’s a man isn’t it?” or “Just give him a chance!”
See, that is where we mess up, I have a choice to decide who I let in my space. My choice needs to be respected.
Just recently I had to delete some man in my DM talking about, I want to be your friend! Um sir, who are you and where did you just come from? And he kept talking after I ignored him. And just wouldn’t stop. Why do I have to get mean… Why can’t you just take what I say and go?
Ladies, please do not make it seem like being approached is the best thing that a girl or lady could ever achieve. If my life’s work depended on being approached by a man, then this would be a jacked up world.
Fellas, please do not think that you deserve every female that you approach, their time. Please do not force yourself, please take the rejection with dignity. Persistence does not equate to chivalry.
So Dear Man In The Parking Lot, I DON’T HAVE TO TALK TO YOU! Or the man sliding in my DM. Or the man holding the wall up at the club! Wherever and whoever…. Just know…
And for all the brothas out there that respectfully approach a woman with class and purpose, thank you! We love you and we need you… And most of us are ready for you!
***Note: He could have been a great guy, a prince even but NO STILL MEANS NO! Honor that and I won’t have to get mean. I STILL GET TO CHOOSE!